What she doesn’t know.

Learning is endless. If one tells me that he or she knows everything, it’s beyond possible to believe. A quick google, ‘learning is the acquisition of knowledge or skills through study, experience, or being taught.’ Talking about study, there are endless materials to read and understand. Talking about experience, there are endless possibilities for us to venture. With observation, one can learn abundance too.

Among the many routes to learning, I find human being is probably one of the most complex to understand. Whilst physical aspects can take years to master, the psychological aspects are not one to be underestimated. How is she feeling? What is he thinking? Why one behaves in a certain way? are the common questions that kept me curious. Sometimes, watching documentaries with resolved mysteries provides me an understanding of why certain people behave the way they do. However, it doesn’t fulfill my other curiosities simply because human beings are born unique in their own ways. Perhaps genetic and childhood play a part, but it is not as straightforward as we think.

Why am I writing about this?

Growing up with my family with three other siblings at home and now happily married to a loving husband, I must admit I am still learning about my husband – What he’s like as a person? What motivates him? What makes him upset? What makes him happy? are not something I can discover overnight. Likewise, I believe he is learning about me as much as I am learning about him everyday.

I can also easily read my mom and dad. It’s part of growing up experiences when we just learn who to look out for when support and acknowledgement are needed, especially before we earn our wings to fly. Different go-to person for different advices, we just knew what makes them tick and who’s the best guardian to go for.

Then, here comes my three other siblings whom most I know very little about. Being a middle child, I can totally relate my childhood with my second brother of two years gap, whom is also a middle child. The fact that we have so many stories and secrets shared while living next room to each other during adolescence years made us knitted much more although geographically far apart today.

Despite years of sharing childhood and great memories together with all my siblings, it’s a pity I still couldn’t figure out the reason for ‘growing distance‘ with my other siblings.

Why‘ has been constantly haunting my mind.

One thing for sure, relationship works only when a two-way communication is established. It is so easy for me to open up and have a transparent conversation with my loved ones, but it doesn’t carry any weight if the other parties do not feel the same way. Besides, what fulfillment do I get by just telling my side of stories and closed-door on the other side? For fear of judgement or for fear of whatever reasons there may be, human are just complex beings – If I cannot understand my own blood ties after years of digging attempts, I doubt I would ever find out for the rest of my life. Well, at least I know what I don’t know.

“The wise man is one who knows what he does not know.” – Lao Tzu

Photo by Emily Morter

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